Crystal death

J., one of the subjects of Jay Corcoran’s documentary “Rock Bottom,” fuels his singing and porn career with the occasional use of crystal meth, illustrating the ease with which users can become addicted to the drug.

Crystal death

Documentary takes a hard core look at the impact of meth

By Gary M. Kramer

“Rock Bottom” is a stunning and important documentary about the impact of crystal meth addiction on a handful of gay men in New York City. Filmmaker Jay Corcoran spent two years — from March 2004 to February 2006 — chronicling the lives of crystal meth users and, in many cases, their recovery. The stories he presents range from poignant to shocking, as various men reveal how the insidious drug took control of their minds and bodies in ways they never expected.

In a telephone interview, Corcoran, a New Yorker, claimed that he never used crystal meth himself, but he was motivated to make “Rock Bottom” because, “After everything we [as gay men] went through with AIDS in the ’80s and ’90s… why are certain gay men suddenly self-destructing? I wanted to make an explicitly gay male film that could look at the sexuality in a way most gay films shy away from. This is not prurient — it gets at the issues behind gay male sex and addresses them in a very sober way. I really wanted to do something this wrenching and truthful, living in America where the media shies away from everything raw and honest.”

The filmmaker says he has been “traumatized” by the effect the drug was having on the gay community. What is more, crystal meth has spiked HIV rates, and while the film does not provide statistics — “because there are so few, and they are constantly changing,” Corcoran explained — the linkages have been clearly documented. Because the drug creates such a euphoric high, and stimulates the sex drive, barebacking is much more common among users.

For Corcoran, the most important scene in “Rock Bottom” depicts one of these marathon sexual encounters. CJ, one user, is in bed with Gio while the cameras film them. But despite 13 hours naked together, neither man had achieved an orgasm in part because of the effects of the drug. The filmmaker’s response to this was mixed. He was pleased to get the footage for the film, yet despite the fact that he has no interest in glamorizing crystal use, Corcoran came away depressed by the prosaic picture the scene paints.

“I was thinking it would be amazing sex, but it was the antithesis of that,” he said. “How pathetic and unsexy. Watching these guys and talking with them for an hour… this was as far as I wanted to go. It hit me — this is a sad scene — people think they are connecting and they are not.”

CJ offers other, horrifying revelations in “Rock Bottom” — about wanting to infect others, and a story about ignoring a case of gonorrhea, which made Corcoran flinch.

But these proved critical moments in the film.

“I appreciated CJ’s honesty,” the documentarian said. “In the gay community, we censor ourselves. We have to start being responsible, by telling the truth, and it’s not pretty. We’ve got to wake up.”

Such painful truths are repeated throughout “Rock Bottom.” Another subject, J., fuels his singing and porn career with the occasional use of crystal meth. J. is on a slippery slope, both with his boyfriend and his life, as viewers see how easily he became addicted to the drug.

“J. [has been] put on a pedestal, and he takes that as validation. It’s so sad.” Corcoran observed. “He’s going to fall through the cracks if he doesn’t get his shit together.”

In contrast, Raymond, who has been HIV-positive for 20 years, is one of the film’s success stories, a man who by the end of the documentary has been clean for several months. Corcoran praised Raymond for “being sober and doing great. It’s pretty remarkable. Raymond trying to get sober and relapsing is very tender.”

It was difficult for the filmmaker to watch his subjects suffering, but he needed to do that work in order to give audiences a true sense of how the drug affects people. As much as he wanted to step in and save these men, he had to wait for them to be ready to quit crystal meth.

“I was angry that so many of us are suffering so much.” Corcoran admitted.

“The sad thing was that each guy had such a poor self-image. A lot of it was about being gay. For each one, it’s the narcissism, and validation. The drug helps us forget that we’re old or HIV-positive and everyone thinks they are cocks of the walk and having the best sex/time of their lives.”

And while there is this need for validation, Corcoran also recognizes that the cry for attention is also a cry for help.

“Rock Bottom” is inspiring not only because it shows the perils of crystal meth; it also allows the brave storytellers a chance to express themselves and find a way of coping with their own addiction.

“They wanted help, to stop,” Corcoran concluded. “Having me come ask them how they are doing and what they are doing, it got them to think about why they are doing this, and helped them in their process, to come to terms with why they do what they do, and to see their own growth.”